Saturday, August 7, 2010
She Walks The Night
Last night I drove my friend Jordan home. Jordan lives right off of Gallatin Rd. On my way back to my house I stopped at the Checkers on Gallatin rd. As I was pulling out of the driveway I saw a visual that shook me up for the rest of the night, and still is sifting through me as I write this.
I watched a woman walk down the sidewalk. She was wearing a small skirt and a regular blouse and was carrying her purse. Nothing about her appearance caught my attention. What caught my attention was squealing tires. As the woman was walking down the street, another man was pulling out of Checkers. Right as he was about to pull out onto Gallatin rd, he saw the woman. He came to a full stop, all his tires squealed and dragged across the pavement. As the car came to a stop, the girl looked at the car for a split second and then ran over to the passenger door. Once the door closed, the man sped off onto Gallatin Rd, and into the night.
I sat there holding my food that I has just gotten from the woman at the window and tried to gather in my head all that just happened. After replaying the scene in my head and realizing what part of town I was in, I realized something.... She wasn't a woman just taking a stroll down the street at 8:45 p.m. He wasn't a casual acquaintance of hers. They did not know each other. The only thing they shared in the moment of the tires squealing and the cars sudden halt, was eye contact, and the knowledge of her profession. She was a prostitute.
I see the image playing over and over in my head. Him seeing her. Tires squeal. She sees him. She realized she had a customer, and then that brief moment before making the decision to jump in the car.
The tires squealing was her bell at the front desk, and he rang it. She came to his service, and then they drove off. I could see her place her feet on the dash and look at the driver and into the night and out of my life they vanished.
The whole situation was really just surreal to me.
I drove home that night thinking about that situation. Thinking about her. Thinking about how she and so many women in this world give up their beauty, their bodies, and their well being all for the sake of acceptance and in some cases money. I couldn't help but just feel so sad for the woman.
The thing was there was nothing about this woman that in my mind screamed prostitute. That might be the fact that bothered me the most. She was normal. She wasn't in character on the street. She was herself, selling herself. There were no stilettos, red top and black mini-skirt. It was a 28 year year walking around this dangerous street, just as she would if she was walking around the mall. There was no makeup to see a girl hiding under. There was no smile on her face that was used to hide her grief. She was normal. I saw her in her everyday attire and life was worn on her face.
But the moment that bothers me the most in the whole tire squeal service last night was that, pause. That pause she took before getting in the passenger door. That pause where she looked into his eyes, knew his intentions and had thoughts running through her mind. But she rejected all those thoughts that you knew ran through her head like:
"You're better than this."
"You don't have to do this."
Instead she went with the thoughts of:
"If you don't do this how will you ever make money?"
"You're worthless anyway... get in the car."
And then she got in the car.
To me this event is just one of the few things that I have seen or been told recently involving girls/women who are being abused. Girls who are being so mistreated by a society of pigs and their filth. I see these girls and I mourn for them. I hate that look in their eyes of being worthless. That look of no value... hallowed eyes. It kills me to see this look. And I know I may be 19 years old, but I've seen this look in so many girls and women. Too many times!
Back in February I wrote another blog called, "Woman: God's Gift... That We Shatter."(http://tannerpemelton.blogspot.com/2010/02/fragile.html) What I do not want is for this post to just be another repeat of that one. This situation is different from the last one, but at the same time, they share the same root. Men who are taking advantage of God's gift... And Women who are not treating themselves for the gift and person they really are.
So instead of writing about us men and how we are the problem in this society for the way we view women, I want to turn the table this time. Take the situation that I just told you about. Even though when you read that story, you feel sorry for the woman, and you victimize her psychologically, she had just as much to do with what happened as he did. He was merely a customer...
How many times in your life have you felt like merely just a product on a shelf that men pass by to pick up, stare at, and then throw you on the ground?
How many times in your life have you felt valueless?
How many times have you done something, or gone somewhere farther than you were comfortable because you wanted to feel loved?
How many times have you jeopardized you, your purity, and your body for the sake of acceptance?
I'm not saying that every woman struggles with this. But so many in this society do. So many in my world alone do. I don't even want to imagine what it is like on a full world spectrum, when my point of perspective here is overflowing with so much hurt and anguish.
So for you that feel that hurt and that anguish, I am sorry. I am so sorry that you feel that way. But I do want to remind you that you are worth so much more than you tell yourself. You are a gift to this earth, you are a blessing. You don't have to give men anything to feel loved. I am sorry if your daddy wasn't around when you were growing up. He should've been the one to teach you real love. I'm sorry if you had a dad but he abused you and scarred you on the topic of men and of love. I am sorry.
But what you have to remember is that you are loved. You are loved by a God who created you and never once, NEVER ONCE looks at you like a marketable piece that can be sold on a street. He loves you in your purest state all the time.
And what you also have to remember is that not all men are like those who have hurt you or abused you. Not all men are the same. If one is abusing you and or making your feel completely worthless. Walk away. Surround yourself with men who do make your feel of value without anything in return. Just because there are moments where the guy who hits you, really makes you feel special, that does not mean you have to stay with him. I urge you... walk away.
If you find yourself in a place of danger or a place of jeopardizing yourself, walk away.
Not only women face that decision. We all do. We all have been in a situation where we are standing before a danger.. And we pause. Its in that pause that we make our decisions... And I urge you to walk away.
That woman last night had that moment. She stopped and for a moment paused. She made eye contact and knew what the man wanted, and then she paused. The thoughts started to run through her head...
We've all been there.... gathering out thoughts. And we've all heard those voices that run through our minds at those times...
Remember your worth.
Remember your value.
You do not have a price sticker that lies under your clothes... You have a soul and a personality. You are not just a physical body to be given to anyone. You are a gift... You are a blessing....
So again, I urge you.
When you find yourself standing before an enemy or a situation that you are putting yourself, your body, your reputation, your everything on the line. Look the enemy in the eyes and shake your head, and watch as your enemy drives off into the night and out or your life...
Media Associated With This Post:
Song: Night Drive
Artist: Jimmy Eat World
All pictures taken from google images